Eating From England: A Look At the Rubik’s Cube Chocolate Bar!

Heya!

Welcome to another Eating from England.
I’ve done a lot of American confectionery recently and I thought it would be nice to focus on some that aren’t for a change.
How about one from…..Poland?

While I was walking down the aisles of a local shop, trying not to look at the sweet treats for the sake of being good, I couldn’t help but notice a particular chocolate bar sitting on the shelf.

It was so bizarre that I just had to get it and show you guys what was in it.. so be prepared for……………

the Rubik’s chocolate bar….

Yes, them those peoples that made that cube thing like.

I know branding is getting out of hand and who knows maybe it’s because people buy it but are there really that many fans of Rubik’s cubes that they would buy something completely unrelated just because it has Rubik’s on it?

Just in case you were in doubt it was a knock off, y’know for your Rubik’s…..unrelated item collection? Let me just assure you it is 100% authentic.

I wouldn’t buy those crappy knock offs like the Rubix’s chocolate bar that’s for sure, I demand quality!
Those brands contain deadly, deadly cyanide!

Just in case you didn’t know, they have a website….it’s not on every piece of branding on this at all, you could miss it…………

But hey, this thing is all just a bit of fun and okay it’s a weird chocolate bar so I’m expecting each square of chocolate to have a coloured square on top, in ode to the Rubik’s Cube or something cool like that.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could kind of make your own chocolate Rubik’s cube by snapping the chocolate into blocks and standing them up in a cube structure?

I’m looking forward to seeing!

As always we can have a gander at the ingredients and yeah, they seem pretty standard, produced in Poland though, not sure they’re known for their great chocolate.

Right then, it’s the great reveal, this is going to be soooo cool!!!

Bare with me, this bar is smashed to buggery unfortunately.

You have got to be having a laugh.
Seriously?!
What the……….

So…………………..

IT’S JUST A NORMAL BAR??!?!?!?!?!!?

That is just……….shameful.
So basically you’re just paying for a piece of paper that says “Rubik’s cube chocolate bar” on it, though I mustn’t forget, it’s officially licensed paper.

What the…….it’s like something you might buy at the Rubik’s Cube museum for a fiver and then deeply regret afterwards.
What a rip off and a waste of time and money!

You don’t even get a cute sticker or anything that would make this remotely cool or related instead.

Why would you even get the licence if you weren’t going to do anything interesting with it?
It’s not like Rubik’s is going to sell more people chocolate than a normal brand.
Maybe they just thought, geeks like Rubik’s cubes, geeks are fat, geeks like chocolate, hooray we will sell millions!

At least you now know that if you have a child, you can go to Rubik’s and they will officially licence that baby because they would licence ANYTHING! I think the website would need to be printed on their forehead though.

Do you wanna know what the worst insult is?

The chocolate isn’t even nice. It’s that kind where it’s really sickly, and not in a good way, after just a couple of pieces, the kind that’s a bit grainy and wholly unpleasant.

So not only have I lost an appetite for chocolate for quite a while but I paid about a quid for it!
Even 30p bars of generic supermarket branded chocolate tastes better so you can imagine how much profit they’re making.

Maybe there’s a drug inside that will make me want to buy the next Rubik’s cube I see, until then I just have this officially licensed chocolate wrapper…..it will be handy for when I run out of toilet paper.